I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
