best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
