I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
