Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
