Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
