I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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