Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
