I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
