I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
