i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
