So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
BRING THE BAGELS
I lost the right to judge tonight
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
