my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm always down for nudity.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
