i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
