I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
