My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
