we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
