So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
