fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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