the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
