The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
