lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
