I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
