I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've changed since you got that strap on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
