You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
