I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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