they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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