If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
