There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
