So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
