oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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