Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
