She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
