you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
