Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
