Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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