If you die in college, do you die in real life?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
