he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
