hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
