I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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