try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
