Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
