You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
