that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
