i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
