Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
