please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
