i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
