I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
