My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
