Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
