Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
